James and the Giant Spot

James once had a spot.
“So What?” I hear you say.
But this spot was ENORMOUS
and wouldn’t go away.

“Leave alone! Don’t touch it!”
was what his mother said:
“Don’t even try to squeeze it yet –
It hasn’t got a head!”

But the spot just kept on growing,
it was like an extra limb.
James wondered, had he got a spot,
or had a spot got him?

He went to see the doctor,
who jumped up in surprise.
He’d seen and dealt with spots before –
but never one this size!

The chemist thought that ointment might
eradicate the spot.
He got out twenty-seven tubs,
and handed James the lot!

But James’s spot kept growing,
Oh, how his mother cried!
The spot grew so enormous,
James had to sleep outside!

The spot attracted interest
and drew the TV crews;
James and spot (or spot and James)
both made the evening news.

People came with cameras
to get a family shot:
wife and kids all standing
in front of James’s spot.


Hollywood came with chequebooks.
They thought it might be groovy
to make a multi-million dollar
film called “Spot – The Movie!”

The spot grew so colossal
that spacemen called to base:
“Houston – we have spotted it
from way up here in space!”

Mountaineers equipped themselves
with helmets, ropes, - the lot –
and joined the queue to climb up to
the peak of James’s spot.

Then, one night, things felt funny.
Poor James, he feared the worst.
The spot seemed kind of runny,
then, suddenly – it burst!

Chunks of gunk flew skywards
at twice the speed of sound!
They reached earth’s upper atmosphere,
then orbited around!

Astronomers by their telescopes,
staring through the void,
saw the core, and gave a roar,
“We’ve spotted an asteroid!”

So now, with all the planets,
and stars, all white and hot,
twinkling there, in the cold night air,
are bits of James’s spot.

As for James, he’s had his fame.
He showers every day,
and soaps and scrubs, and washes,
to keep those spots at bay.

My Parallel World

My parallel world is just like yours,
except for the odd little thing.
Everyone here has a lucky dip,
for the chance to be queen, or king.

And in my parallel world,
grown-ups never tell lies.
Teachers are never sarcastic –
just helpful, friendly, and wise.

Everyone travels by bus,
on foot, by bike, or on trains.
Policemen stand waving, on corners,
handing out macs when it rains.

Our guns are all made of jelly,
and our bombs are all made with cheese.
Whenever a person gets angry
they almost immediately sneeze.

Rain comes in five different colours,
mud tastes surprisingly good.
Shops only open on Tuesdays,
and computers are all made of wood.

When anyone here has a good idea,
a bell in the town hall rings.
My parallel world is just like yours,
- except for one or two things.

The Custard Tree

The custard tree is loved by birds
They flock there with bananas
Which they eat, as an evening treat,
Whilst wearing their pyjamas.

Earthlings

The Earthlings are a-coming!
From planet Earth they shoot!
Landing in their shiny tin,
-each in their special suit!

With their funny, bouncing walk,
they wander round our world.
And every time they visit,
they leave a flag unfurled.

Nosing in our craters,
stealing bits of rock.
It’s tempting to jump out and wave
and give them such a shock!

Best, though, just stay out of sight,
blend with our terrain.
Cross our tendrils in the hope
they’ll soon blast off again.

And, finding nothing useful,
they’ll simply head for home,
look for somewhere else to go,
and leave us well alone!

The Morning that the Jungle…

The gibbons stopped their gibbering,
The gorillas didn’t growl.
The chimps all ceased their chimping
And the howlers didn’t howl.

What the green chameleons thought
Even they don’t know,
The morning that the jungle
Got covered in snow.

White fluffy stuff,
Slippy, cold and wet.
A hippo tried to eat some,
But only for a bet.

A rhino chased a snowflake,
But he was much too slow,
The morning that the jungle
Got covered in snow.

Every ant retreated
And burrowed underground.
All the noisy animals
Didn’t make a sound.

Flowers shut their petals up
Plants refused to grow,
The morning that the jungle
Got covered in snow.

The snakes all started slithering
The crocodiles were weeping.
The hummingbirds were shivering
The sloths, of course, were sleeping.

Termites stayed well out of sight
Snug and safe below,
The morning that the jungle
Got covered in snow.

Tigers, padding through the white,
Didn’t think it fun.
Zebras curled up, sick with cold,
Thought the end had come.

Then the sun, in melting mood,
Said “Cold! It’s time to go!”
And very soon the jungle
Wasn’t covered in snow.