Paradise Lost (the forbidden veg)

In that first Garden lived Adam and Eve,
Innocent as lambs, we are led to believe.
We’re told that an apple was the source of their woe.
This, I contend, was not really so.
For that serpent of old snaked, not in a tree,
But down on the soil, where veggies grew free.
Try this nice Cabbage! he temptingly hissed,
It’s truly a vegetable not to be missed!
Now God had once warned them; made them both pledge
Never to touch this prohibited veg.
But cabbage, said the serpent, is so good to eat! –
Packed full of vitamins, it's a culinary treat!
So, chopped and pickled, fried and boiled,
They scoffed it, and thus, was Paradise spoiled.
For the cabbage, though a wholesome, nutritious food,
Gave them Knowledge, and they saw they were nude.
Each covered their shame with a large cabbage leaf,
Then God looked in, and bellowed: Good grief!
Your innocence is lost! You have broken your pledge!!
You have eaten of the Cabbage, the forbidden veg!
And as they both cowered, no longer so clever,
He banished them both, from The Garden, forever!
And now, sinful humans, ignoble and savage,
Owe their mean fate to that ill-gotten Cabbage!

My Kingdom for a Cabbage!

A cabbage! A cabbage! My Kingdom for a cabbage!
King Richard the Third first cried,
Unaware, it appears, that a cabbage, in fact,
Is a difficult beast to ride.
It’s small and round and slippery, you see,
With nowhere that’s easy to sit.
And a cabbage will rarely take kindly
To a person on top of it.
It wobbles and shakes, unsettles your tum,
Annoy it enough, it’ll bite your bum!
Few ride for long, they’d rather walk,
Than end up stuck on a cabbage stalk!
Best think again, like King Richard, of course,
Who changed his mind, and demanded a horse!